Dear readers 2 

In my previous article, I provided you excerpts from my article "Thoughts" the segment related to Al-Azhar University. Then some excerpts from the “Call of the revolution in response to the thoughts of Mr Anthony Wilson”, and also the part related to Al-Azhar University. I concluded the article with excerpts from my response to the “the front of the Union of Middle East Communities”, and also about the Azhar University and the theology "University".

Today, as promised, I convey to you my article about Dr. Ayman Nour. This time, I will publish the full article, which was published in each of the newspaper "Al-Mustaqbal (the future)" - Australia 19/03/2005, and "Al-Masri (the Egyptian)" - Australia 31/03/2005, and I documented it within the book, "The Expatriate" Part VI, issued in Australia in 2006.

The Article: 

"... The demonstrations that go out every day in front of the Supreme State Security Prosecution and the Attorney General and your voices that were reaching me while I was in a prison cell, these voices shook the earth beneath their feet. These voices have turned my prison into freedom and turned their freedom to prison, and I announced last Wednesday a very important announcement, I will run for the presidential elections".

These are some of the speeches given by Dr. Ayman Nour, head of Al-Ghad (Tomorrow) Party on Saturday, March 12th after his release from prison on bail for being accused in cases of fraud. This happened in the streets of Cairo and police did not intervene, although he said in the interview with him on the satellite channel "Today" and on "Cairo Today" program, after only half an hour of his release. I say that he said that security tried to mislead all who came to welcome him about his whereabouts.

Dr Ayman Nour spoke in the program "Cairo Today" and touched on many things that happened to him since his thinking on the creation of an opposition party to the National Party, which is regarded as the sole ruling party in Egypt. This is not new since the political parties in Egypt were abolished and the one-party system appeared in the form of a political party headed by the President of the Republic. This means that the party acts under orders of the President directly, and no doubt that all members of the ruling party, under whatever labels the party is called, from the editorial board to the National Union to the Socialist Union to Egypt Arab Socialist Party in 1978 to the current National Party, they can not oppose the party leader who is the head of the Republic. 

The fact is that it has been allowed to return the existence of parties in Egypt, and actually we find the Uniting Assembly Party which was founded by Mr. Khalid Mohie Eddin, one of the men of the Free Officers who did not agree on the way those men ruled the country and preferred to stay away and leave the country. The party is now headed by Dr. Rifaat Al-Saeed, then the Wafd Party, but not with the same strength as the Wafd Party before the revolution. Whatever the number of opposition parties in Egypt, Dr. Ayman Nour, has made it clear in a television interview that his party, the Party of Tomorrow, its age on the day that he was arrested is 89 days only. However after they tried not to approve the notarization of the party as an official party in Egypt, which the party's founders had guarded when registering it and so applied for registration with five names to ensure the choice of one name of the five and approve the registration. In spite of all this, manipulation did also happen to disable the registration. Prior to the registration of the party by three months and its recognition, all of a sudden, the party's leader, Dr. Ayman Nour, is arrested on charges of forging documents particular to the party and its establishment.

Strangely enough in this thread is the US interest in Dr. Ayman Nour, and this was clearly manifested in the words of Ex U.S. Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, and also the current Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. The broadcaster Amro Adib asked Dr Ayman Nour a question in this regard. His response came in a sarcastic form when he said: 

- Condoleezza Rice was with me at the university, while Madeleine was my colleague in the secondary. 

It is clear from this response that he denies he has any connection with the Americans. But truly, why all this attention in a man like Dr. Ayman Nour? Is it because he is a Member of Parliament? Is it because he represents a new party, and as he said about himself that he represents the generation of the youth of forty years?

No answers to all these questions make him distinctive and worthy of all this interest.

America is known for its resolve to apply the new map of the Middle East; a map that differs without doubt from the road map for the Palestinian cause; a map that   

is intended to divide these countries, the countries of the Middle East to small States in the sense that each country is divided into mini-states, and each mini-state would have a governor and its government. And each governor does his best to keep his seat on which he sits. And instead of having one governor for the country, the country gets divided, any country in the Middle East. And so the identity of this country gets lost and nothing is left of it except what history has recorded in the past, unfortunately the distant past, because in the recent past, we have made all the mistakes that have brought us to this despicable situation that we find ourselves in, and in which others have ventured into our existence and non-existence.

We went after the nationalities and some backward ones still see it as the solution to stand in the face of Americans and non-Americans. What was the result? Of course we all know it, weakening of the patriotic nationalism of each country in the Middle East. This weakening is the first and direct reason for the lack of faith of belonging to this country or that and this lack of faith has made the citizen look to the rulers of the others, especially in countries with more rich resources than his country, and hoped and dreamed of a quick gain and his tongue twisted and his facial features changed and his clothes which he was used to see himself in, altered.

This led us to run behind other ideologies, religious ideologies, instead of what had been nationalities became represented in religion and calling in the name of religion to gather all the countries of the Middle East under its banner and re-establishing the religious state.

All this is happening to the average citizen and he does not know which path to take, and which idea to believe, and which way to go. We called from the Diaspora and said if each state focused on its children and cemented in the minds of the children the importance of belonging to the homeland before anything else, for I am an Egyptian by birth in Egypt of Egyptian parents and thus my Egyptian fiduciary comes first before anything else, and my loyalty in my work for Egypt is the target that I am seeking.

I have not veered out of the heart of the matter that I am writing about; because the heart of the matter is to work for the homeland and the elevation of this country by raising the quality of life for the people of my whole nation without discrimination. Let's read this part of the talk of Dr. Ayman Nour:

- The truth is that I am not a candidate against anyone. I am Ghad Party candidate to run against the National Party candidate. I am also the candidate of a generation and not just Party candidate. I am a candidate for reasons not including our lack of appreciation for the role of President Mubarak. Not including that he had achieved what he could achieve in a quarter of a century that he continued as President of the Republic. But among them respect for the value of life in this nation. And that lively nations are ones that can provide worthy children able to interconnect their experiences, and can continue giving. I'm actually surprised that some people think that a nation the size of the Egyptian nation having 70 million Egyptians and having civilization and culture, and we had one day trading of power; we find that we are facing a single selection because of a constitutional obstacle.

I content myself with so much of the very long dialogue, which made me think that Dr. Ayman Nour is a strange and rare phenomenon, rare and worth a visit.

Oddity of coincidences that I saw and heard on Saturday, 05.04.2014 a dialogue that took place between the media commentator, Imad Eddin Adib "channel CBC" and Dr. Ayman Nour in Beirut. Despite the skill of Mr. Imad Eddin Adib in the dialogue, but I did not get out of that interview with something new. Dr Ayman Nour, is still in my opinion "a strange and rare phenomenon worth stopping by".

One thing I want to comment upon and it is the request of Dr. Ayman Nour that the next president be a civilian, pointing out within his statement “Hamdeen Sabahi”, because Egypt has been ruled by non-civilians, "the military", forgetting the year of the rule of Dr. Mohamed Mursi Al-Ayyat of Egypt. I think he was a civilian and not military. Isn’t that so? 

I also remembered what he said about "Mursi" in an interview with him, Dr Ayman Nour told him: 

* The distance between the ousted president Mubarak and Tarah penitentiary is 30 meters, while your distance is 30 centimetres

This year marks the Fourteenth Anniversary of the Miss Lebanon Australia Beauty Pageant, directed by Mr Joe Khoury, OAM, held on the 27th 2014, at the Doltone house. Mr. Joe Khoury described the event as, “Celebrating Lebanon’s heritage through the eyes of the next generation, with beautiful young Lebanese Australians facing the challenges of representing the interests of Lebanon, both in Australia and overseas.” Throughout the years, The Miss Lebanon Australian Beauty Pageant proved to be an ongoing successful event, personifying the combination of beauty and intelligence, to define the 21st century.  Certain criteria, contributed to defining quality, which was based on the elements of culture, charity, grace, sensitivity, traditions and other strong values. This year, 11 gorgeous young ladies were competing for the event.

The event was of a great success and received huge support among the Community members of Australia, including leaders from all categories of business, politicians, journalists, writers, artists, professionals and other community leaders.   

This year’s winner was Cynthia Farah. “Congratulations to Farah for this victory, which is the triumph of the Lebanese Community in Australia and Lebanon, May God bless you always.” On stage, Cynthia displayed many emotions which cannot be described, as she cried from shock and happiness. The first runner -up was Vanessa Tamar, and the second runner up was Sarah Habib

They all appeared charming in their casual jeans, swimsuits, and evening dresses, parading on the Catwalk, and answering questions with smartness. Cynthia Farah won the Judges ‘final decision with her beauty, intelligence and persuasive personality’.  

Last year’s winner of the Miss Lebanon Australia Beauty Pageant 2013 was Miss Diala Bachour. Miss Layla Yarak was also the winner of Miss Lebanon International who represented Lebanon Australia in the Miss International Beauty Pageant 2013 in Japan. We wish them both every success in their future.

The rest of the contestants included, Christina Barakat, Gemma Sarkis, Reina Chehab, Micheline Mokadassi, Jasmine Hamade, Rema Jamal, Natalie Fahd, Kelly O’connor, Taylor Fahd, and Natalie Saade. They were all beautiful, each presented with a well deserved gift, and awarded with the prizes of Miss Photogenic, Congeniality, Elegance, Intelligence, Personality, and The Best Smile.

Thank you to Monie Gabriel  for her tireless work, who has been the Head of the Miss Lebanon Beauty and Art Department, for fourteen years,  and to Suzie Touk the Miss Lebanon Event Coordinator for her caring nature.  Ms Ella Elias and Mr Joe Shear the Master of Ceremony (MC), successfully hosted the event with a positive unique impact through their momentous intuition and flexibility. There was a verity of entertainment including Oriental Dance and singing, with the audience well entertained and motivated throughout the night. 

Once again, congratulations to Cynthia Farah who won the Crown, the Winner of Miss Lebanon Australia Beauty Pageant 2014, and congratulations to the Director Joe Khoury, who started the Lebanese Pageant in Australia, back in the year 2000. Further, not to forget, a tribute to all the Supporters, Community Leaders and Members, including the Panel of Judges. 

The event was well attended, well received and memorable. 

Marcelle Mansour

Thanks to Joe Khoury. Done it again...

Everyone was there...At least it felt like that...They all came to support and appreciate Lebanese Beauty...

The whole community was there...the leaders...the so-called leaders...the artists...La Fontaine’s frogs that kept inflating themselves until explosion...the literate and the semi-literate or should I say the Semi-illiterate....they all came with one purpose: support this worthy and well organised Spectacular..

Joseph Khoury welcomed and acknowledged almost every one present at the Doltone House...Well done Joseph! Otherwise “hell would break loose” from the “fat cats”...

The night was truly reminiscent and of the standard of the Miss Universe Beauty Pageant we see only on Television...The ambiance was great with great entertainment and great girls parading on the Catwalk both in swimwear and in their evening dresses....Not only were they beautiful but they displayed composure and intelligence through the intelligent answers they provided to the questions thrown at them....

It takes a lot of guts to parade on the catwalk and to be assessed by professional and experienced judges in front of a packed Doltone House...demonstrating great talent as they proudly represented their community....

In echoing Joseph Khoury’s words, each one of these pretty and intelligent young Lebanese girls is special in her own way. They all deserve to be crowned but unfortunately there can only be one winner.. And the winner was Cynthia Farah..Congratulations to Cynthia and to Vanessa Tamer who was the first Runner-up in the contest. In fact Congrats to all the contestants for their high spirit and for a good representation of their community..

Raymond Abi-Arraj

At 11am on Good Friday, the Honourable Tony Abbott, Prime Minister of Australia, walked into a packed Our Lady of Lebanon’s Cathedral to join the Maronite Community in the holy liturgy.

Worshippers came from all across NSW to attend the Good Friday Rite of Adoration of the Cross celebrated by Bishop Antoine-Charbel Tarabay and to listen to his sermon and here is some of what he said: “There is a unity between the cross and the Crucified. When we adore the Cross, we adore Jesus”.

In the Liturgy “we pray the traditional prayer in Aramaic and it is at the centre of our Liturgy” which means “Oh Jesus who were crucified for us, have mercy on us”.

“Jesus prayed that His Father would open their eyes to see their sins, in order to repent and be forgiven. Jesus was fully human and fully divine on the Cross. His mission was to save the world with His suffering...”

The Bishop was aided by Mgnr Marcelino, Vicar General and by the OLOL Parish priests headed by Mgnr Shora Marie.

The Readings were done by Prime Minister Abbott, Mirella Khattar and one of the Sisters at OLOL..

Following the liturgy, Bishop Tarabay, accompanied by the Prime Minister and his First Lady, the Ruddocks and some VIPs: Mr &Mrs Anwar Harb, Mr & Mrs Joe Khattar, joe Rizk, Wally Wehbe, Mr & Mrs Joseph Assaf and Raymond Abi-Arraj.... they adjourned to the Community Centre next-door for some nibbles to break their fast....

A very holy day well spent in the presence of the One Who died for us...

With my best and most blessed wishes at Easter. Have a happy one!

Raymond Abi-Arraj

The year 1955 has many memories on a personal level and the level of the Egyptian public.

That year, we were students at the Tawfiqiya Secondary School in Shoubra, and I was in the final year of the scientific section of the “secondary" education. In that year, our school was selected to be the first high school at the level of the republic declared by the Minister of Education, Mr. Kamal al-Din Hussein to start sending secondary students of the Tawfiqiya Secondary School in Shubra on a train journey to visit each of the city of Luxor and Aswan. Thus, we were the first students to go for a visit to the Upper Egypt’s "Interior".

My tale here will not touch on anything in it for that trip. But I will talk about all the shops in the city of Aswan, at that beautiful time, which has gone and ended and there is no hope in its return.

We were all drawn as students to the view of the shops in Aswan, regardless of the quality of those stores and what they were selling. From the outside, the shops did not have iron gates or locks, and when the owners closed their shops, they only put small chairs in front of the shops so the people would know that the shop is closed. But only with curtains of plastic strips that do not impede customers from entering inside.

As students, at the height of the youth, we would get into the shop and if we find things displayed and can be tasted, like "dates" and others; we would eat, and whatever we ate, the shop owner would not scold us and would not "scream" at us, but would let us wander around the shop and sometimes we would buy and often would not buy. We would thank the shop owner and he would respond to us, "Welcome and hello to you in Aswan." That's what caught my eye about Aswan and my first visit to her in my life.

I obtained the secondary certificate in the same year with a total that would qualify me to enrol at the Faculty of Science or the College of Dentistry. But my father, God's mercy be on him, chose the Faculty of Law for me. So I presented my papers to join the Faculty of Law of Cairo and was accepted as a student in the college.

After a brief period of time and in the same year of 1955, the government announced by way of the council of staff for holding the exam for students who obtained the secondary certification for that year of 1955. I applied and at the appointed date, I went and did my exam. After a period, the result of the exam appeared and I was the 11th successful ordinal of the total number of 2,000 successful applicants. The top 10 were employed by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and from 11 to 300 by the Ministry of Interior on the workforce of "the Department of Identity Cards", which was added to the "Personal Investigation Authority".

I will not delve on the work at that time. But I will start my tale after this section became independent and its name became “Civil Status Authority".

My work continued at the authority with the distinction that I got from the first day of work because of my ordinal in the results of the exam at the council of staff. This distinction made me the first of the employees to assume managerial position as assistant section supervisor, who in turn was the section assistant inspector.

This feature with some colleagues later made us do additional work such as explaining of the nature of the work to newcomers whether staff or civilian inspectors or police officers, in addition to our work. Add to that going to the offices that had opened at all the police stations in the Republic. I was on the top of the list if there was a need by any office for help or for any reason that the authority deemed required going.

From here began the frequenting to Aswan and other places of Upper Egypt and the "Delta" (Bahry or seaside) and other places.

As for Aswan, what I said about the shops continued in the same way as it was and with the same confidence in the honesty of the people.

But when work began on the construction of the High Dam and in one of the visits, I was surprised by the unexpected changes in the stores. The plastic curtains and chairs that were placed in front of the shop as a sign that the shop is closed had no place, but I found steel doors and locks and in some shops a little high barrier was built with the presence of the iron door that closes above that barrier. When I asked one of the shop owners about that change, he smiled and said everything has changed and there are strangers from the seaside, "he is not meaning here the people of the seaside from the Delta, for example, but he means all who come from the North."

The construction of the High Dam began and the ministry told us of the need to prepare the people of the Nuba for dislodgment and the authority had to send missions to Nuba to do that task.

I agreed with the inspector, Colonel Mohamed Nassar Khalil, to go with him and the team which he will choose to Nuba. But it happened that the inspector asked me to go for an interview with Brigadier Mahmoud Anwar Habib, deputy director of the authority.

I went to the Brigadier's office, who hastened to ask me a question I did not expect. 

* Do you have any family impediment that would prevent you from going to the Nuba with the outgoing mission for one of its members has apologised for family circumstances? 

* For myself, I do not mind, but Colonel Nassar had arranged for himself and I  going to Nuba and with some colleagues. I do not know what will be his response. 

* It is important for me that you do not have family impediments and the travel will be tomorrow and there will be a fellow from the authority and the Chairman of the Committee is from Fayoum, along with another employee. Do not bother with him and do what you see fit for work. Pass by the cashiers in order to take some pocket money that you'll need for the period you would be in Nuba. I thanked him and left. During my climbing the stairs to tell the inspector, I heard his voice telling me "Go away brother, you are false people". I had got to where he was waiting for me after Brigadier Anwar Habib had told him and my going to the Office. 

I did not comment much on his rampage and I actually left work after I got the pocket money.

On the evening of the next day, I went to Cairo station to catch the train No. 88 going to Aswan and I met colleague Fayez there.

We arrived at Aswan and I knew where Aswan inspector ‘s secretary, Mr  Abbas’s house was, so we went that way, and there I thought I was still a young man and entered the "bathroom" to take a shower before going to Nuba. I do not know but as soon as the water began dripping over my body, I felt a chill and a bout of "sneezing" so I suspended the water and I wore my clothes while I was in a state of disrepair.

The car that would take us to the High Dam place arrived and from there we would ride a ship that would take us to the village where we would start from, and of course we also met the two other colleagues. They took me inside of the High Dam carried on a "stretcher" and what a wonder time.

We arrived at the village of "Abu-Hor" and the previous committee was waiting for us in order to receive the work assignments from them. The minute that the mayor saw me in my condition, he hurried and brought me a warm drink that I drank and after a few minutes I became completely healthy.

I spent 45 days in Nuba, moving from village to another. In each village, the mayor and the villagers would insist that our food and meals would be with them even though we would tell them and show them what food we had bought in Aswan. But it was the Nubian generosity.

We were in the month of Ramadan; however, I and my colleague Faiz were the Christians in the ​​Committee. But the mayor and the people of the village of "Abu-Hor" insisted that we have breakfast in the morning and there was present with us an artist named Adam, a Christian too, who was also a specialist in sculpture and had wooden statues all over the western world, except Egypt and the Arab states, and "I have no comment". The afternoon would come and they would call us to have lunch. At the break of fast, we would also find them having taken care of us with the fasters in the presence of the mayor. The dinner time would come and they would give us the dinner.  We did not worry about the last meal before fasting and we asked them not to prepare anything for us.

Nubian people are good and noble. I really found in them the Egyptian spirit of tolerance, generosity and love for the people. One thing I did not relish was the bread that they would not provide any other. My thinking lead me to send a "bodyguard" attached to us with their rifles just for reserve work. I say that actually it was agreed with them that one of them goes to his home in Aswan and spend three days at home and return to us with the "solar" bread, famous among Upper Egypt people. The idea succeeded and so we had overcome the problem of bread.

We moved from one village to another doing our job without problems, but I was mixing with the people of the Nuba, especially the elderly, and they were wishing for death before being transferred to Aswan.

Nubia buildings are built in architectural methods that saw a lot of foreign engineers, especially from Italy, to study the ways used to build these homes, which could control the summer heat and winter cold by opening the window at the top of the building by a dangling rope during warm times for the entering of the air that would moisten the place. In winter, a special window would be opened and sun would enter and the place would be heated.

We also crossed the "Jarf Hussein (Hussein’s Cliff)" tower and they told us that it was a complete copy of the temple of Abu Simbel, which has been moved, but they could not save the "Hussein Cliff" tower.

Life was going beautifully and enjoyably among the kindest peoples of the world, but it happened one day in one of the villages that the colleague, who was supposed to be the chairman of the committee, hit the "sentry" of the mayor and I was not aware of this. Breakfast time came and we did not see the mayor nor any food. I asked my colleagues and they told me what had happened. I went to the headquarters of the mayor alone. The man got up to shake my hand and we sat down and he began to tell me what had happened. After that narrative on what happened I asked him why didn’t you come to tell me what happened instead of this childish act. He looked at me in disbelief in what his ears had heard. So I emphasized to him what I had said, explaining to him that we had our food with us and all the villages had refused to let us use what food we had brought; and we are in the holy month of Ramadan, why would you behave so without warning us at least. I was very serious in my talk with him and anger was evident in the tone of my voice. But he grabbed my hand and apologized and he stood up and asked the same "sentry" to carry the food and we all went to eat, with my insistence that the "sentry" sits and break with us, but did that end up the subject? No, it did not end.

Trade in Nubia is carried by "small boats". Nuba youth knew what happened. They refused to sell cigarettes to him. Preclusion was a severe punishment on him, as he was a smoker in a crazy way and he did not fast because of smoking. He smoked but did not eat. As for me, the youth sold me cigarettes and all I would ask of them. One day passed and the second day after he no longer had any cigarettes with him and he had a severe case of anger. I spoke with the young people and convinced them of the need to bring the cigarettes that he smoked and give them to me now. That was actually done. The mission ended on good terms and we went back to Aswan.  

I did not return directly to Cairo, but I went to the centre of Kom Ambo to see the houses that the government had prepared for them. The comparison was very difficult; a big difference between their homes in the Nuba and homes in Kom Ambo.

Thus was the case of the people of Aswan after the building of the High Dam. This is how I saw the goodness and the greasiness of the Nubians’ nature.

The days passed, and I finished my work and migrated to Australia. But I did not leave Egypt. I left it in body and mind, but the soul and the heart are there still and I follow all the events in it.  

After Field Marshal Tantawi took over the affairs of the country and what happened after 3000 criminals from the Salafists and other terrorist groups were allowed to flee, the misfortunes of Egypt and the Egyptian people began to manifest clearly. The Field Marshal appointed a Christian governor for Aswan and Aswan flared up and they stripped rail rods, and none of the methods to deter them ever worked, including getting seniors to discourage them from what they were doing. The result was that they got what they wanted after the Egyptians suffered losses resulting from events in Aswan.  

The bad news that we have heard and we saw their effects in the filming of dead bodies on carts of "Caro", so humiliating and disgraceful. No one cared about what is happening on the ground. Neither the days of Field Marshal Tantawi, nor the days of Dr. Mursi, nor the days of Counsellor Adli Mansour and the Government of Beblawi, and the burden became very heavy for the government of Mehleb.

Shame on you, O rulers of Egypt. For you do not learn from previous mistakes and you stay in power and are making the same mistakes against the Egyptian people.

The people of Aswan and the Nuba people and what I have seen myself and coexisted with them, and what I have mentioned and quoted for you in this article is a testament that they are the best people of the world; so how does this happen?

Is it the fact that Egypt is in a state of a fierce war with terrorism? If the answer is yes, and I believe it; what have the successive governments after the removal of "Mursi" done to protect the homeland and to rule out the start of a civil war planned by America and the Islamized! Nothing on real ground, as if the governments are part of the Brotherhood rule, implementing the supplement of what they wanted to do in Egypt.

And also if we in fact are really still in a state of war with terrorism, then why did we leave the government of Beblawi throughout that period? Why do we see the new prime minister ignoring this war and walking in the streets without a guard? Is it because he is confident that terrorism will not get him one day, God forbid? And why would the previous government and the current government allow the presence of ministers from the Brotherhood to be in the government and in the presidency and in the universities and schools without taking decisive action and kicking them out of office? I do not see in the presence of the customary mediation processes what works in this day and age, and the rule of law has to be the ruler and enough of backwardness and reactionary. As well as the tribes that still live on the land of Egypt, with their own laws and run the people without interest in civil law maintained by the Egyptian courts. And why do we keep on saying "Arab tribes" and they are born in Egypt and live on the land of Egypt, and the Egyptian people did not change its Egyptian identity? Isn’t it better to cancel these labels so that all would be Egyptians!.

But the painful truth is that the Egyptian people have been lost and there is no one there who would oblige himself to search for them and return them to their home and homeland Egypt.

I started writing an article entitled "Sisi, the rock" but I stopped, because I'm afraid and fear that all candidates for the presidency would be a "Fankosh", Adel Imam.

Sitting one weekend in one of Sydney's coziest Café with my friends, our table just happens to be close to a mutual friend (Diyana 43) who was having a coffee with her sister (Delilah 32), which I have never met before. Striking the usual conversation, this quickly took a deep turn that made me end up writing this now. We all hear stories of how a relationship where one partner is incarcerated doesn’t work. I know many couples who successfully navigate this process. Relationships are as varied as the partners themselves and as in all types of relationships no right or wrong way exists. Many of you wonder how to get through a life and relationship separated by distance and time. Being in a relationship with someone incarcerated, I'll take you through the thoughts, emotions, principles and inevitables of this life through Delilah's experience. It's so refreshing to meet women who have committed their lives to standing by incarcerated partner. These women are the very embodiment of unconditional love, amazing to know that if a woman is willing to love a person in prison at all during a prison sentence, she is someone worth respecting and hanging on to.

Keeping a relationship together under normal circumstances is hard work. Keeping a relationship together when your partner is incarcerated is harder. Most prison relationships fail. Partners who decide to honor their commitments do so with the best of intentions and do so knowing it will be an arduous task. The complexity of this type of relationship is not to be taken lightly, but with planning, conformity, and an acceptance of your new reality. Incarceration does not have to be a death sentence for your union.

Delilah

32 years old of a Christian faith, a single mother with two kids, Adam 7 and Jannah 5. Unlike the typical stories you hear with some families or women who lose their partner to prison after being together in a relation, "a woman who are romantically involved with a man who is incarcerated". Delilah was single when she met her now husband in jail two and half years ago. She began her life as the wife of a prisoner on September, 2011. Her husband was given a 17 year sentence; he still has another 3 years to serve. Sleeping Single in a Double Bed, that’s what DELILAH has been doing for the past 2 and half years. Many people ask her what it’s like to be married to someone in prison. The most common things people ask her are about visits, phone calls and faithfulness. As far as visits go, it changes from facility to facility. He was originally a six-hour round trip drive away. In his current facility, he is only 4 hours away and can have two visits weekly for three hours at a time. She go a minimum of once a week to see him. The visiting rooms don’t have glass booths, but instead resemble school cafeterias. There is a hug and kiss allowed at the beginning and end of the visits and they are allowed to hold hands, but that is the extent of their physical contact. To answer a common question: No, they don’t get conjugal visits. And that means what you think it means as far as their (and her) sex life goes. Their entire relationship revolves around these short calls and weekly visits as well as the occasional letters and cards. But, according to Delilah, "it’s been something of a blessing for honing our communication skills. When you only have a few hours a week to maintain a relationship, you make the most of it."

Husband

36 years old now, Hussan Kalache. Devoted Muslim of a Lebanese background, Kalache was sentenced to a minimum 17 years behind bars in 2002 for the killing of 25-year-old friend in a self defense in July 2000, a moment according to Delilah he truly regret.  He had a lot of time to think about things, is now very reflective, read a lot of books, focused on communicativeness, and really valued these conversations with partner Delilah. His crime, incarceration and all that goes with it has profoundly changed his life.

Choosing to love an inmate is just that - a choice - and nothing about it will be easy. The time, the distance, the worry, the stress and the limited communication are enough to keep the strongest person down. However, if there is anything that you will learn throughout this journey it is that you are stronger than you think you are and stronger than anyone gives you credit for. How do you get through this time without your husband? I am sure that the answer to that is so complicated, with strength? Commitment or having faith? Or is it much more basic than that. Delilah definite it in a simple term "I think it's as simple as I love him and would do whatever it takes to be with him. Even though this has become my new normal I will be glad when my Prince Charming returns home. I know it will be an adjustment to live together but it will be so worth it in the end."

My Wonderful Sister Diyana

"I learned a lot about our families and friends during this experience, but I have one friend who has been there for me through everything. She is a true blessing and appointed herself as my stand-in spouse when my husband is in prison. We go on “dates,” celebrate birthdays and anniversaries, talk every day and have become extremely close. I don’t think I would have survived without her. She has also acted as a sort of liaison for my husband when he needs to get me a gift or send me flowers. Between him and my wonderful sister Diyana, I have managed to maintain a semblance of normalcy in my life.

Delilah Said "It's the easiest thing in the world to stay down when you have fallen. It takes true strength to keep getting back up. You will have days when you are squared up and ready to take on the world and you will have days when all you want to do is stay in bed with the covers over your head."  This bid with her husband has not broken her.  "It's ok to fall once in a while and it's ok to feel weak. You just always, always have to...keep getting up!"

When people find out how long a young woman like Delilah has been married to someone incarcerated, one of the quickest questions comes to mind “What about sex? It is completely inappropriate to inquire about another person’s sex life. The question of sex is a revealing look at the mentality of some people when it comes to prison, relationships, sex and (the piece they don’t consider is intimacy). Delilah said "as it often leads my inquisitor to respond with “I don’t see how you do it.” And, this is where I educate them".

She Continue to say "We live in such a sexualized world. Sex permeates every aspect of our lives, from direct references to the slightest innuendo. Some say sex is the most important part of a relationship. If that were true, relationships separated by distance and time would be flaccid, but that is not the case. When you are in a relationship removed from sex, thoughts and urges wane."

Delilah said "Intimacy is not a function of the anatomy. It is a function of the heart and at the center of that heart is communication. Communication is the tool by which intimacy enters. In this type of relationship, you can’t use sex to fix an argument or pass the time, you have to communicate. Intimacy is the ability to connect on a level so deep it transcends physicality and understanding. Intimacy is the by-product of communicating with love."

With her respond to my above question she summarized it all to us "I’m able to be with my husband because we have true intimacy. I hear his heartbeat from the inside. I read the sound of his voice. I know the wounds and hurts before the words are spoken. I see the weariness that hides behind his eyes. I possess powers no other woman has because he only communicates with me, as in he allows me to see him stripped-down naked without masks, presumptions, or ego. Sex is fleeting, a moment in time, or a washed-off action in jest. Intimacy is a fingerprint on the soul. His hand print is on my heart. This is how I do it."

So now the for real plans are being made. Her hopes and dreams are so close to becoming reality that she can almost touch them. There is no more waiting to see if her husband will come home in two years time or  rather when the authority will return him to her,  and believe me from what sensed she will never give him back. While some may say that nothing in this life is certain, there is one thing that she knows without a doubt is certain and that is that she will always say we and be together and nothing else matters.

Imprisoned on the Outside because that’s what it’s like when you have a loved one in prison. He may be in a prison made of cement walls and barbed wire fences but she is in her own prison, a prison of emotions and love.  Strength alone cannot get you through, what they have is far from ordinary. They have the kind of love that people dream of and wish for. Has this time without him been easy?  Delilah replied "Not even a little, Intimate and honest communication has to be the foundation of our relationship". Is it worth every sleepless night and every tear that you have cried? "Hell yeah, While it will only be a matter of couple of years until I see him in person, It is weird and exciting and wonderful to think that there is an end in sight. If all goes as planned, for me it will be an eternity."

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